Finding the motivation

We know that in order to have the energy to do all the things we'd love to have achieved before we die that we should:

Exercise - or at least cut down on the couch potato impersonations

Eat & drink healthily - of the min #5aday & max #14aweek variety

Spend time with those we love - and not just on the 14th of Feb

Spend time doing things we enjoy

and avoid food, drink, people, places, activities etc that are not good for us

Yet so often we continue to do that which depletes our energy. Since we know what we should be doing I'd suggest it's finding the motivation to make the changes we need to work on.

One suggestion is to find a big enough PAIN we want to move away from and then anything is possible. The issue is often the pain (less years and less active body in our old age) is seen as too far away and even "wont happen to us". So we don't take action until it does happen to us (or someone close to us) or it's too late. The key is finding a pain we can relate to now. That's why challenges such as climbing Kilimanjaro or events such as getting married act as a great motivator - the pain of not making the changes are too big and not even worth contemplating that we take action.

2 things happened this week that might shed some light on another solution.

The first was burning my fingers on the oven. I've burnt my arms many times and they've spent many minutes under the cold tap. This week it was my fingers turn - what PAIN - and was followed by 2 hrs in water. But you know what? I've a new respect for the oven that has changed my behaviour towards it.

The second was cutting tomatoes out of my diet for 2 weeks along with some other potential culprits for my screaming knees. Long story short but lets just say that a little squirt of tomato sauce on Wednesday teatime led to severe reaction. Suffice to say that any doubts I had about persevering (It's too hard, I like cheese, I don't know what else to cook, it's wont work etc etc) were soon kicked into touch. Resolve has been bolstered and exclusion continues for a few more weeks to give my body time to find balance before trying to reintroduce foods.

In both instances without the physical pain I would have wavered and continued to do what I'd always done. I'm not suggesting we all run out and physically do harm to ourselves in order to find the motivation. However if you do want to make changes you might want to look for a short term pain that will fortify your will power.

All you need is some extra motivation

My favourite phrase is by Guillaume Apollinaire and says:

"Come to the edge" he said.
They said "We are afraid"
"Come to the edge" he said.
They came. He pushed them.
And they flew.

This quote has never been so apt as it was this morning as I watched fledgling seagull twins (see picture of them with one parent) as they were fed by their parents. They’ve not long left their nest and for the next few weeks they will spend much of the time on the ground being fed by their parents as they learn to fly. As in previous years their initial flying attempts are over walls and more hop like than flight and will go on for many days/weeks as their confidence and flying and feeding skills develop.

This morning I realised, however, that they could perhaps fly sooner if they had sufficient motivation. A third chick appeared and the parents of the twins made it very clear it was not welcome and were attacking it. I could not believe the flight this chick then took – over the road, over gardens aerial acrobatics at it’s very best as it was chased by one of the parents.

I wonder how often in life we all need that extra motivation to get moving?

Seek first to know yourself

Self awareness is the first step in emotional intelligence and it's certainly the first step when wanting to change things when you're not happy with your life. Without self awareness how would you know where to start? How would you know for example:

* The truth of the current situation
* What impact fear is having on the current outcome
* What beliefs you have that may be helping or hindering you
* How your language is impacting how you're feeling
* Whether you need to push a head or pull back
* What you get passionate about
* Whether what you get passionate about is aligned with those around you
* What you're motivated towards (pleasure) or away from (the pain)
* Whether you're better working with others on the changes you want to make, or
* If you're better doing it on your own, and
* Which of mind, body, heart and soul is the best place to start.

Understanding your answers to the questions above will certainly make life easier if you're wanting to make changes.

Alison Smith
Helping Purchasing Relationships become more self aware
This blog is part of a series of blogs on making changes when life is just getting you down. Here's the first in the series I wrote earlier in the month.

It might look, feel or sound right to you - but what about to them?

The means of the communication is the response that we get. In other words if someone doesn't understand what we're saying or even worse has got angry about it often it's not the message they're reacting to but how we're communicating it.

When we communicate with others we often do so in a way that best works for us. However the person we're wishing to communicate to may have different preferences to us. If we don't change how we're communicating to them we'll therefore often miss the opportunity for them to truly understand our message - we might as well be speaking a foreign language.

The key is understanding the different preferences that exist and adapting our communication appropriately to reflect these. Here's just a few suggestions on the different types of preferences we have.
NB Someone's language and behaviour will often give their preference away once we start paying attention to it.

Look/Feel/Sound
Are they more visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If visual we'll certainly get a better response if we provide a picture or diagram than a 10 page report. Pay attention to the words used too.
If auditory - words such as clarity, harmony, question, tell etc will resonate with the person.
If visual - words such as vision, focus, insight, perspective etc will provide more clarity.
If Kinaesthetic - words such as feel, flow, balance, hold will enable them to grasp what you're saying.

Achievement/Affiliation/Power
Which of these motivates the person the most. It's certainly worth remembering not to tell someone who's motivated by achievement that what they are doing will help them bond with the team. They want to hear words like success, results, aim, goal etc. Affiliation people want to hear words like harmony, support, share, rapport etc. Those motivated by power want to hear words like control, command, impact, influence etc. Well they do if they're motivated 'towards' these things. You'll have to use others words if they're really motivated 'away from' failure, being alone or weak!

Sameness/Difference
If someone looks for sameness then don't tell them all the ways the new system is different to the old one - tell them the similarities first. If they desire difference give it to them.

Options/Procedures
You'll certainly get resistance if you give a set of instructions to someone who has a preference for options and variety. Conversely telling someone who likes a procedure to be flexible may generate resistance instead.

Detail/Big Picture
Don't jump in with lots of details until you've determined whether they like it - many people only need to know the big picture in order to make a decision, many others want to know the big picture to get an idea of whether they want to hear the detail. Someone who likes details loves it and the more the better.

As our preferences come over in all our communications I wonder what preferences you think I may have? and how could I have changed what I said to make more sense for you?

Are you connected to or have you abandoned your personal values?

I've had lots of conversations with people over the last few weeks either unhappy and unmotivated themselves or with unhappy and unmotivated people working for them. In all cases this was negatively impacting the company's brand.

The problem seemed to be the non alignment of values between the individuals and the company. In fact not non alignment as much as they'd abandoned their values!! The WHY they had allowed this to happen had a few components.

In some cases the person just wasn't clear enough about what their personal mission statement was. So they joined or even set up an organisation that seemed to meet their needs and then became unhappy when their unconscious needs weren't being met. Understanding what motivates you and the outcome you want to have on others is really important in ensuring that you can jump out of bed with enthusiasm every day. This can take some time but is well worth the effort. I'd also suggest it doesn't have to be in words that others understand. This is about finding the words that best motivate you.

For example my personal mission is I'm a path finder - I help people transform their lives by getting them on their path. That may not make sense nor motivate anyone else but so long as that informs what I choose to do and what I choose not to do that's what's important. As you will see from my web site, blog, LinkedIn and Twitter I choose to translate this into Paddle Finder for career creeks. Clients find this description easier to understand what I can do for them and relate to.

If you're clear about your own personal mission statement it will be a lot easier to keep on track when aligning with an organisations mission. Are you clear about your personal mission?

The other type of situation was people joining an organisation where their values were not aligned with those of the organisation. They therefore then apply and operate from their values when working on behalf of the organisation. The problem here is that others then see how they operate as representing the organisation. Which can significantly and sometimes negatively impact the perception of the organisation's brand.

Agreeing values statements and code of behaviour to meet these values is one solution. However sometimes it's simply the case that the person's values will always conflict with those of the organisation and they should not continue to work there. A hard decision but one that is best for both in the long run.

How does you personal mission statement align with that of the organisation? What changes do you need to make to achieve better alignment?

Improvement in my health and fitness means more Paddles found!

Is your means of inspiration restricting your success?

I had a conversation with my personal trainer about my health and fitness goals and realised the reason for their success or failure will be the same as any goal I set myself. That is:

• without clarity of direction - how do I know what action to take
• without inspiration and motivation - why bother
• without action - I'll never get anywhere

I think I'm clear about what I want (and if you're not see the Well Formed Outcome on the rhs of this blog). So if I can get the WHY right I'll be inspired to be motivated to take the necessary action and not sit here eating chocolates as I type this!!

Which has got me thinking about the different motivations we have for improving our health and fitness.

On my NLP trainer trainer we were introduced to 3 groups of motivators:

• Achievement
• Power
• Affiliation

We each have a preference for one of these which will mean we have different whys for health and fitness dependant on our preference:

• Achievement: to reduce weight by y, to run a marathon in under x hrs, to fit into a size z etc. Or not to fail at any of these.
• Power: to do what I choose rather than being limited by my health or fitness
• Affiliation: ......

And here's today's learning for me. I am motivated by affiliation but can see many reasons why this doesn't always work for me to achieve improvement in my health and fitness.

• I went to the gym every week with Di because I'd promised her and enjoyed her company. As soon as she was unavailable and subsequently moved I didn't go!!
• I went to a dance class and had fun with Lindsey. When her job changed and she couldn't make it the whooping in class wasn't the same and I found more reasons to not go.
• I now have a personal trainer and I enjoy the sessions and certainly don't want to let him down so attend sessions regularly. If he's on holiday I don't do anything!!!!
• When I had a lodger or have visitors I eat much more healthily. Living on my own doesn't provide the same motivation.

In the past I also realise my affiliative desire meant that health and fitness activities were undertaken to:

• Make myself more attractive
• Pacify family and friends who were nagging
• Be loved

But success was short lived. As my personal trainer said in a class the other week "If you don't love yourself first how can anyone else." Which is the crux of the problem. Affiliation naturally means we look outside ourselves for the reason why we do something. Our health and fitness is personal so how can we make that work?

Which still leaves me with a lack of sustained motivation for my health and fitness.

• If I had children I could use the motivation that I want to be able to play easily and tirelessly with them and even be here for my grandchildren. (I have to say I was very pleased I managed a handstand and cartwheel at Imogen's 3rd birthday party last year - so I can see that could inspire).
• I could try making health and fitness a means to an end and tie it into me being able to help more people transform their lives and get back on track. Every inch and every pound lost means another 1000 people transformed (based on increased longevity?). I can certainly feel the difference and will write that on a flip chart and put it on the wall in the kitchen.

But that still feels like a cop out.

• I wonder about connecting to my higher self and doing it for who I could be at my best? Which feels better and isn't about doing it for others.

I'll let you know how I get on - once I've finished the chocolates. Although as I've been typing the blog the words used have changed from health and fitness to MY health and fitness so something has shifted.

I'm not letting you get away with it either. What do you need to do to take charge of your lack of motivation and be inspired to take action?