Just simply walk the talk when talking

I went to a conference at the weekend and the insight after the second speaker is likely to change how I speak, teach and even write in social media.

When we arrived we had time to visit the exhibition stands. We weren't there long however. The sale pitches offering us "miracle cures" were simply too much and drove us in the opposite direction.

A little later the first speaker stood up and continued the theme telling us all about their "revolutionary" "magic" "new" "wonderful" "innovate" process. The process wasn't many of those, and yet if I'm honest the premise upon which it's based is nearer my current thinking than the next speaker's. If they'd got the tone right they'd have been pushing on an open door. After all they were talking about things that were well within my comfort zone. The evangelical tone, the need to be right and yes even their ego just got in the way of the message.

The second speaker was talking on a subject out of my sphere of experience and comfort zone - eating raw foods (to the exclusion of the cooked variety). However my experience of what she said was so different. She simply offered her beliefs as just that. They weren't "new" "exciting" or "something not to be missed" they were just beliefs she used to make decisions in her life. She then just explained how she's managed to apply these beliefs to her daily life. Allowing us, I'd suggest, to pick and choose what we might like to take away from her speech.

The message for me was clear - we simply need to walk our talks and share it in ways that allow others to have different opinions. Being evangelical, getting on our soap boxes and ramming it down other's throats and pointing out the error of people's ways wont get us far. As a strategy it will undoubtedly drive away those who may find what we have to share of use if only we'd let go of the need to be right.

I then found this quote in a book I was reading 'act and be as though how you are dictates that everyone else will be that same way' by Kant. So if honesty is your thing you just need to be honest and expect others to be honest not start telling the world about how dishonest the world is.

I said I'd got a lot from the day - lets see whether you think the tone of my blogs/tweets have changed as a result.

Create a great day

Alison
Helping procurement walk

Speaker Authenticity - it's more than truth telling

Authenticity is something that is often mentioned as an aspiration of speakers. As a speaker myself and writing this to other speakers I think it’s useful to remember that we all judge others by our own definition. That is we each have our own definition, so too our colleagues, other speakers and audiences.

I’d suggest therefore that understanding our own and other’s views on authenticity may be useful. Without that understanding how can we ensure when speaking we avoid following others’ advice to become more authentic when that very action could make us less so.

This weekend I found myself tweeting the following in response to an exchange from other twits at @influence11 (see #nsa11) a conference of professional speakers in California:

alisonrbcm: challenge is that sometimes following others advice can take you away from being authentic and make it more 'manufactured'

alisonrbcm: wonder if telling it {the story} to be of service vs telling it to make more sales also makes a difference on authenticity felt by audience

alisonrbcm: something about congruency with self and not congruency with what we think we have to be to be accepted

These reflect the feeling I have that authenticity is more than simply truth telling, more than just not lying and yes even more than showing vulnerability. Looking on the internet for a definition I liked the one over on Wiki:

"Authenticity is the degree to which one is true to one's own personality, spirit, or character, despite these {external} pressures."

If this is true then it’s perhaps easier to see how we can determine whether we’re achieving this for ourselves – but how can we assess others against this? How can we know if someone is being true to their spirit? I’d love to know how YOU know.

For me my assessment has an energetic component ie where do I feel the speaker’s communication is coming from: ie their head, heart, spirit or body and where is it going to: ie my head, heart, spirit, back of the room or someplace else? Which is why I will disagree with many when I only feel the connection from the speaker’s head to mine rather than more deeply heart to heart or spirit to spirit.

I've raised a discussion in LinkedIn to share your thoughts - do join us there.

Well Being

Source: grainedit.com via Karen on Pinterest

6 weeks ago I set you some homeplay for the weekend to notice the impact how you were feeling had on those around you and what you wanted to do that weekend and in life generally.

My invitation to journey with me as I've blogged since has been about not waiting until you've smashed up a shop (of the cup cake or any other variety), or you're signed off with stress or your relationships are falling apart to make the necessary changes.

I certainly didn't want anyone believing the stories they tell themselves about not making the changes - you know the ones - it's my age, I can't, it's too late or even it won't change anything! In short if we don't have the energy to do what we need or want to do every day something has to change! and we can do it! you can do it!

The suggestions on changes to be made are certainly known to us all. Unless I'm unique, I know the challenge is following through on the logic. As I found to my embarrassment today when, having realised I still wasn't eating enough of the right things to sustain what I'm up to on daily basis, my personal trainer decided to abandon the fitness element of my session and go look in the fridge to help me 'see' the healthy options that lay within!!

The changes I've invited you to consider over the 6 weeks have included:

• Mind: Putting yourself first


• Mind: Understanding yourself


• Mind: Changing what your telling yourself


• Body: Reviewing your diet


• Body: Having enough sleep


• Body: Getting your body moving - esp on the days when it's the last thing you want to do


• Heart: Asking for help


• Heart: Letting go of the past


• Spirit: Finding our legacy

I hope something I've said during these blogs has triggered something for you to help you understand what changes you might want to make and/or what changes you may be able to support others in your life with.

Helping purchasing relationships find well being because it starts with the individual.

Alison

Alison Smith
07770 538159 alison@alisonsmith.eu

Childlike Wonder

This model used by Stephen R Covey in the 8th Habit demonstrates the relationship between all aspects of our life. That is each one of the elements impacts the other. So far in this blog this month I've shared my suggestions on how changes to your mind and body can significantly impact your life. This week I want to touch on the impact our Heart and our emotions can have. There's lots I could say but I was hoping I'd find a story from life to share and only got that last night!

Talk on the Chris Evans show of the new Chitty Chitty Bang Bang stories took me back to when I saw the musical. I just love musicals and when Chitty flew into the auditorium I'm not sure there was a child in the theater who had a smile wider than me :-). Which had me reminiscing about the Mary Poppins musical and the fabulous dancing to supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - or rather to suoicodilaipxecitsiligarfilacrepus. And then what about when Bert tap dances his way up the side and along the top of the stage curtains! Which meant last night there I was listening, and yes even dancing and singing, along to some of my favourite songs from musicals (you might want to turn your sound down little before using any of the links):

Seasons of Love from Rent - how do you measure a year?

Defying Gravity from Wicked - I still get goosebumps

Circle of Life from Lion King - what about those costumes?

Which had me remembering other acts that have amazed and inspired me:
Cirque du Soleil - La Nouba - the trampoline sequence just has to be seen

and finally I moved onto my other sing along at the top of my voice songs including:
Affirmation from Savage Garden

It's easy to buy into the current situation and believe it's that that's making us feel as we are - especially when it's not as we'd like it to be. We're upset because X did or said Y to us. The reality is we have a choice how we react and sometimes when life is getting us down we simple need to find that child like wonder to get that spring back into our step.

What would bring some child like wonder into your life this weekend?

Alison

PS I've so loved revisiting these again this morning and hope you all have a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious weekend.

Homeplay for the weekend

A year ago I was asked to blog on well being for HRZone and have been an active blogger since then. Over that time I've continued to share insights, observations and challenges from life. This has covered an array of subjects including motivation, effective communication, integrity and authenticity etc. In other words things that can transform our relationships and help us out of the creeks we find ourselves.

In March (and possibly even a smidgen in Feb) I'd like to go back to look at well being - for two reasons:

The 1st: I've just been on a Food4Life workshop and would love to share the learning
The 2nd: Our well being has a HUGE impact on the quality of our relationships

To provide you with the motivation to read my blog for the next few weeks I'd like to set you some homeplay (homework but of the fun variety) I'd like you to notice the impact how you're feeling has on others - whether you're:

Happy, Energised and motivated or
Angry, tired and apathetic or
somewhere in between.

The blog will then look at how to get more of what you want and less of the other.

Are you in 1st or 5th gear or on cruise control?

Go on humour me and just try sitting there doing nothing for 5 minutes.

Please.

How did you get on? I would imagine there will have been a number of reactions:

Not bothering to do nothing
Start and give up after a minute
Do nothing with one eye on the Internet
Do nothing successfully for 5 minutes
Do nothing for 10 minutes

It was such great weather at the weekend - yes even in Scotland - so I sat in the garden chatting with a friend. We must have been there for 4 hours. During that time I never managed more than 20 minutes in the chair at any time. I fidgeted for the whole time - I moved my chair, went to get a drink or wandered around the garden. My friend on the other hand was in her chair for the duration. In fact 4 hours relaxing was a record for me and that was only possible because that took place after a holiday of 2 weeks.

I would suggest my friend was in cruise control and I was in 1st gear! I wouldn't dream of running my car in 1st all day so why do I think I can do that to myself?

I can hear some people saying they don't need to do nothing and anyway it's such a waste of time. I met someone last year who worked 60 hours a week and then relaxed by being on so many committees and in what time he had left was on the golf club!! Wired wasn't the word for him!

Quite time doing nothing daily helps our mind, body and soul in so many ways. Just try it for a week and notice the positive impact.

Improvement in my health and fitness means more Paddles found!

Is your means of inspiration restricting your success?

I had a conversation with my personal trainer about my health and fitness goals and realised the reason for their success or failure will be the same as any goal I set myself. That is:

• without clarity of direction - how do I know what action to take
• without inspiration and motivation - why bother
• without action - I'll never get anywhere

I think I'm clear about what I want (and if you're not see the Well Formed Outcome on the rhs of this blog). So if I can get the WHY right I'll be inspired to be motivated to take the necessary action and not sit here eating chocolates as I type this!!

Which has got me thinking about the different motivations we have for improving our health and fitness.

On my NLP trainer trainer we were introduced to 3 groups of motivators:

• Achievement
• Power
• Affiliation

We each have a preference for one of these which will mean we have different whys for health and fitness dependant on our preference:

• Achievement: to reduce weight by y, to run a marathon in under x hrs, to fit into a size z etc. Or not to fail at any of these.
• Power: to do what I choose rather than being limited by my health or fitness
• Affiliation: ......

And here's today's learning for me. I am motivated by affiliation but can see many reasons why this doesn't always work for me to achieve improvement in my health and fitness.

• I went to the gym every week with Di because I'd promised her and enjoyed her company. As soon as she was unavailable and subsequently moved I didn't go!!
• I went to a dance class and had fun with Lindsey. When her job changed and she couldn't make it the whooping in class wasn't the same and I found more reasons to not go.
• I now have a personal trainer and I enjoy the sessions and certainly don't want to let him down so attend sessions regularly. If he's on holiday I don't do anything!!!!
• When I had a lodger or have visitors I eat much more healthily. Living on my own doesn't provide the same motivation.

In the past I also realise my affiliative desire meant that health and fitness activities were undertaken to:

• Make myself more attractive
• Pacify family and friends who were nagging
• Be loved

But success was short lived. As my personal trainer said in a class the other week "If you don't love yourself first how can anyone else." Which is the crux of the problem. Affiliation naturally means we look outside ourselves for the reason why we do something. Our health and fitness is personal so how can we make that work?

Which still leaves me with a lack of sustained motivation for my health and fitness.

• If I had children I could use the motivation that I want to be able to play easily and tirelessly with them and even be here for my grandchildren. (I have to say I was very pleased I managed a handstand and cartwheel at Imogen's 3rd birthday party last year - so I can see that could inspire).
• I could try making health and fitness a means to an end and tie it into me being able to help more people transform their lives and get back on track. Every inch and every pound lost means another 1000 people transformed (based on increased longevity?). I can certainly feel the difference and will write that on a flip chart and put it on the wall in the kitchen.

But that still feels like a cop out.

• I wonder about connecting to my higher self and doing it for who I could be at my best? Which feels better and isn't about doing it for others.

I'll let you know how I get on - once I've finished the chocolates. Although as I've been typing the blog the words used have changed from health and fitness to MY health and fitness so something has shifted.

I'm not letting you get away with it either. What do you need to do to take charge of your lack of motivation and be inspired to take action?