Do you want work/life balance or life balance?

Like many people I'd always used the term 'work/life balance' until I applied a tool I use in coaching to myself and realised the term I was using was half the problem, for me anyway, and that was because of the images using that term painted for me and the impact they then had on my stress levels.

At the start of the session my goal was to understand what I needed to do it ‘have work/life balance’. As I wrote at the time 'like a lot of people I never seem to have enough time and energy to do everything. I feel like I’m a hamster in its wheel. In fact I have two wheels, one wheel for work and one for the rest of my life.' Stress then came from trying to balance both wheels. When on one wheel I worried about the other and vice verse.

Just writing that down seemed to shift something. I realised, for me, balance would only be achieved when I only had one wheel to manage. Thus 'having life balance’ allowed me to, even if only metaphorically, have more control over my life and what I chose to do with it.

I'd be interested in the metaphors you have for life or work/life balance and wonder how those metaphors may help in understanding what needs to change to simply reduce the internal stress of trying to manage it all.

Alison

Alison Smith
Helping individuals and teams stay on track by finding balance
alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159

I've shared more on life balance on this blog too using Susan Jeffesr model as a base.

Landscaping Your Life Principles

The following list is included on many posters and suggests its origins come from the native american culture and is often titled:

The Ten Indian Commandments

Treat the earth and all that dwell thereon with respect

Remain close to great spirit

Show great respect for your fellow beings

Work together for the benefit of all mankind

Give assistance and kindness wherever needed

Do what you know to be right

Look after the well being of mind & body

Dedicate a share of your efforts to the greater good

Be truthful and honest at all times

Take full responsibility for your actions

Irrespective of who really first said them, if we connected in this way with the landscape and others on this planet of ours, then I certainly think we'll find our connection within more easily. Do join me on my Landscaping Your Life facebook page where I share more on the process that uses landscapes as metaphors for life. Although I'm starting to think that perhaps landscapes are really a mirror for our lives not simply a metaphor.

Image used from The History of Pachakamak

Comparisons

I was asked today for a copy of a story I'd written and thought I'd share it here too.

Here's the first few para's and then a link to the full version (It's a short story so only 2 pages long).

“iPhone iPhone in my hand who is the fairest in the land” Eleanor said out loud hoping against all hope that the answer would be “Eleanor is the fairest in the land” and was therefore very disappointed when the answer was someone in Norway she’d never heard of.

Like a lot of people Eleanor had been delighted when a new iPhone application has been launched. It was a comparison application but instead of comparing prices it compared skills and attributes. Within a week she’d discovered that she didn’t have the thinnest ankles, the glossiest hair, the whitest teeth or the most perfect breasts. She’d also discovered that she wasn’t the best nonfiction writer, communication trainer, motivational speaker or career coach. With every question she asked she found out that someone else was better than her. Her mood therefore took a huge turn for the worse and friends and family got very wary of speaking to her. Nothing they said seemed to make any difference. In fact it made matters worse because when they listed something they thought she excelled in – she just asked the iPhone and it gave her the name of someone else. To her every name was more evidence that she wasn’t good at anything even if she didn’t always agree with the answer the phone gave. To Eleanor there was a whole world out there better at everything than her with better skills, better minds and certainly better bodies. Whenever she thought she might have found a question that would give her the answer she craved she was always disappointed – the best bathroom went to a couple in Hong Kong and even the cleanest small bedroom window facing west (when she’d started to clutch at straws) went to a man in Canada.

Continued

Bad apples just get more rotten – it’s time to change the metaphor

I have been inundated with examples of the different ways we can view good and bad over the last week and thought I’d share the thoughts that have arisen for me:

One key conversation was with a friend about being a ‘good person’ vs a ‘bad person.’

I agree certain behaviours are bad (although I’m pretty sure we’ll all have different scales for what goes where) but that doesn’t make the people doing them bad. If we continue to label others as bad then it’s not long before we continue with that metaphor and believe them to be rotten, like an apple, and therefore useless. The only option then is for them to be discarded. As a metaphor it’s not got a lot going for it, it certainly doesn’t provide a lot of options other than perhaps to bury the apple and hope the seeds have some life left in them!

I wondered what might be a more helpful and resourceful metaphor – what about:

Tomatoes – because they need the right soil, nutrients, feeding, watering, heat and light. This is they need TLC and the right conditions to enable them to flourish. Although perhaps unhelpful when thrown at others rather than eaten as part of a healthy diet.

Flowers – what I like about this metaphor is flowers can flourish in many environments despite the lack of the ‘right’ conditions. But constant lack of any of the right conditions will certainly not allow for a flourishing, vigorous and beautiful flower.

With both these examples at least it’s easier to understand what is needed to ensure the plant flourishes and contributes to the garden. It’s also useful to consider the impact of the greenhouse, the gardener and tools used because ultimately these too will determine the extent to which the plants flourish.

What metaphors do you use to describe others and in what way might these be unhelpful to finding a solution to the issue.

Alison

Alison Smith
Helping Teams see the Wood for the Trees

For more on the Landscaping your Life metaphor I use with individuals and teams do visit my facebook and youtube pages. You may also like a recent blog on Growing your own stakeholders on Supply Management.

What ends up in your personal junk folder

I tweeted recently that unless we follow people we disagree with our twitter feed is likely to represent and not challenge our view of the world. That’s no different in other areas of our life. That is what we pay attention to will normally support our worldview.

There’s approximately 2 billion pieces of data coming into our senses every second!! With that much data available it would be easy to get overloaded. It’s our Reticular Activating System (RAS) that acts as a filter – it’s a tracking system that brings to our attention data that it thinks is important to us. It’s basically a SPAM filter which bases its assessment of importance on if:

• It is important to our survival
• It is different or out of the norm
• It has emotional content for us personally
• It supports our beliefs
• It helps us achieve our goals

And everything else ends up in Junk mail.

This is why, once we set goals, we start to notice information that will help us achieve them – whether that’s useful information or people. Or why suddenly there are more cars the same as our new one on the road.

There’s much we can do to become more aware and even set our own SPAM filter to ensure we’re not missing vital information. I just wanted to remind you that your beliefs will determine what you notice. For example I bet you can give me recent examples of drivers of white van's (hijacking a common belief here in the UK about their bad driving for a moment) who were driving recklessly and didn’t notice the larger percentage of occasions where they were courteous.

How do your criteria need redefining to stop useful information going into your junk mail?

Helping you realise the potential of Procurement

Alison

alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159

Landscaping Your Life

I will be developing a new blog to cover this new tool but for the time being just wanted to let you know all about Landscaping Your Life (LYL) - as I'm very excited.

It's been a friend since I developed it 10 years ago. It uses landscapes as metaphors for life. You know the sort of thing: stuck in a rut, walking through mud, going around the bend, going with the flow, plain sailing etc. In essence LYL helps you effortlessly (because we're using a metaphor) plot a route from where you are to where you want to be and take the necessary steps to get there.

It's very flexible. So, whilst if the weather is fine I do like to get management teams outside walking around real landscapes, photographs work just as well - it's just a different process. In fact many of those who were at the very first LYL session in the early 'oo's still have their landscapes at home and still remember the learning and insight.

I've set up a facebook page to share LYL ideas and concepts to keep you on track. July competition is all about Milestones. I'm also sharing LYL videos on youtube which currently includes:

* Going with, not fighting, the tide,

* Stepping out into the unknown,

* Looking around the corner (or going around the bend)

* Getting out of the rut (pictures of which will be the August competition over on my FB page).

I look forward to landscaping our lives together

Alison

alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159