Are you always or never late

Source: dougswordclock.com via Alison on Pinterest

If I was to ask "which of the following applies to you when arriving for appointments?" most of us would be able to find one that applies most often:

1. I'm ALWAYS early
2. I'm early 
3. I arrive just in time
4. I'm late
5. I'm ALWAYS late

I'd suggest I'm 3 most of the time with equal distribution for 2 (if I have no idea where I'm going) and 4 (if I get caught in traffic because I didn't allow much time for delays).

The fact is both 1's and 5's get frustrated with each other for different reasons. 1's will think that 5's don't respect them because they're late, 5's think 1's are being over sensitive. Both will certainly think they're belief about the other is right. And from their worldview they're both right.

In NLP there's 2 descriptions used for our relationship to time which help explain this difference:

• In-Time - where you're living in the present fully experiencing what's happening in the moment 
• Thru-Time- where you're viewing time from a distant - thinking ahead to the future or back about the past

Those who arrive early I would suggest are likely to be Thru-Time - thinking ahead about what they need to do to get to the meeting on time but they may be seen to be distracted in an earlier meeting. Those who are late are likely to be In-time - fully present and in rapport with those in a previous meeting but not aware of the time and approaching next meeting.

We each have a preference for which style we use most but the key is being able to be flexible and switch between them as appropriate. I'd also suggest we need to realise when we've got stuck in one mode and take action, as I think I demonstrated in my 'Hare or Tortoise' blog based on my 4 day adventure on the farm recently. When I went from Thru-time Hare to In-Time Tortiose.

Alison Smith
Helping procurement work in and thru time appropriately

What ends up in your personal junk folder

I tweeted recently that unless we follow people we disagree with our twitter feed is likely to represent and not challenge our view of the world. That’s no different in other areas of our life. That is what we pay attention to will normally support our worldview.

There’s approximately 2 billion pieces of data coming into our senses every second!! With that much data available it would be easy to get overloaded. It’s our Reticular Activating System (RAS) that acts as a filter – it’s a tracking system that brings to our attention data that it thinks is important to us. It’s basically a SPAM filter which bases its assessment of importance on if:

• It is important to our survival
• It is different or out of the norm
• It has emotional content for us personally
• It supports our beliefs
• It helps us achieve our goals

And everything else ends up in Junk mail.

This is why, once we set goals, we start to notice information that will help us achieve them – whether that’s useful information or people. Or why suddenly there are more cars the same as our new one on the road.

There’s much we can do to become more aware and even set our own SPAM filter to ensure we’re not missing vital information. I just wanted to remind you that your beliefs will determine what you notice. For example I bet you can give me recent examples of drivers of white van's (hijacking a common belief here in the UK about their bad driving for a moment) who were driving recklessly and didn’t notice the larger percentage of occasions where they were courteous.

How do your criteria need redefining to stop useful information going into your junk mail?

Helping you realise the potential of Procurement

Alison

alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159

It might look, feel or sound right to you - but what about to them?

The means of the communication is the response that we get. In other words if someone doesn't understand what we're saying or even worse has got angry about it often it's not the message they're reacting to but how we're communicating it.

When we communicate with others we often do so in a way that best works for us. However the person we're wishing to communicate to may have different preferences to us. If we don't change how we're communicating to them we'll therefore often miss the opportunity for them to truly understand our message - we might as well be speaking a foreign language.

The key is understanding the different preferences that exist and adapting our communication appropriately to reflect these. Here's just a few suggestions on the different types of preferences we have.
NB Someone's language and behaviour will often give their preference away once we start paying attention to it.

Look/Feel/Sound
Are they more visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If visual we'll certainly get a better response if we provide a picture or diagram than a 10 page report. Pay attention to the words used too.
If auditory - words such as clarity, harmony, question, tell etc will resonate with the person.
If visual - words such as vision, focus, insight, perspective etc will provide more clarity.
If Kinaesthetic - words such as feel, flow, balance, hold will enable them to grasp what you're saying.

Achievement/Affiliation/Power
Which of these motivates the person the most. It's certainly worth remembering not to tell someone who's motivated by achievement that what they are doing will help them bond with the team. They want to hear words like success, results, aim, goal etc. Affiliation people want to hear words like harmony, support, share, rapport etc. Those motivated by power want to hear words like control, command, impact, influence etc. Well they do if they're motivated 'towards' these things. You'll have to use others words if they're really motivated 'away from' failure, being alone or weak!

Sameness/Difference
If someone looks for sameness then don't tell them all the ways the new system is different to the old one - tell them the similarities first. If they desire difference give it to them.

Options/Procedures
You'll certainly get resistance if you give a set of instructions to someone who has a preference for options and variety. Conversely telling someone who likes a procedure to be flexible may generate resistance instead.

Detail/Big Picture
Don't jump in with lots of details until you've determined whether they like it - many people only need to know the big picture in order to make a decision, many others want to know the big picture to get an idea of whether they want to hear the detail. Someone who likes details loves it and the more the better.

As our preferences come over in all our communications I wonder what preferences you think I may have? and how could I have changed what I said to make more sense for you?

Who takes ownership of business communications

In my last blog entry and in a couple of LinkedIn groups I issued a challenge to 'say it is as it is'.

It's interesting that whilst the example I used was a business one people suggested using caution when 'saying it as it is' personally. Quite rightly I was told that we don't just share an opinion with others without first considering the validity of them needing to hear our opinion nor consider their feelings. Empathy and rapport were both mentioned when considering the timing, words, tone and way in which the opinions are shared.

It made me wonder if that's what's missing in business communications? It's all too easy for someone to send out a company missive and hide behind the anonymity e.g:

* You're flight's been delayed by 3 hours and can't tell you any more.
* You're on the aircraft and the doors are closed but we're not taking off for 2 hours.

As soon as we spoke to a person - at the desk or the pilot - the message changed. There was certainly more empathy and rapport.

I'm not sure what the answer is but something to consider when asking business to say it as it is.

Do you have the XFactor when you're on the stage?

If you're speaking to an audience whether that's to 5 people or 1000, or even singing as they did tonight on the XFactor, what as they say in NLP makes the difference that makes the difference? What gives a performer - style, charisma, confidence and the performance - credibility and meaning? For me it's as much about what's going on in the performers mind as their technical skill or words they saying.

If you were imagining standing up on the back of a rocking horse or even a real one for that matter - how balanced would you feel? If you were imagining being a single Lilliputian in front of Gulliver how would that make you feel? If you were imagining a brick wall between you and the audience what would happen? If you were imagining your words were bullets how would the audience react? I doubt they'd think you had the XFactor - and neither would you!

So next time you need the XFactor check: what's going on in your head and what pictures you are painting or soundtracks are you playing to ensure they support not hinder you being: Grounded, Connected and Communicating effectively.

Grounded - This gives you self belief and confidence.
To stay grounded you may imagine: Having roots coming out of your feet or wearing heavy boots or being attached to an anchor secured to the ground. Alternatively what about being a knight in shining armour or imagining being at a celebration in the future (wedding day or child's first day at school etc).

Connected - This provides connection to others
To connect to your audience or other members of your group you may imagine: chains or paths connecting you to the audience or group members, or being one petal of a flower, or a golden shining heart open to the audience or just being with friends or loved ones.

Communicating - This provides understanding
To allow the message to be communicated you may imagine: your words being light or flowing water from you to your audience or gift wrapped presents you offer them or even a butterfly visiting every person in the audience.

You may even want to write to change the story from unhelpful to helpful - see The woman and her castle on RHS for a story I wrote to help someone connect with others.

We'll each find different metaphors work best for us but I can guarantee if you find the one that works for you you really will have found the XFactor.

My lastest newsletter (see links) also touches on this when it explains the NLP techniques used by both Little Miss Sunshine and Mr Happy.