Break out of the old

If butterflies did what they'd done in the past they'd have died and not grown to their full potential. I'm not sure we're any different?

In December I facilitated a session on keeping on track in 2012. As part of the process we identified all the skills we'd used to achieve what we did in 2011. We then looked at our goals for 2012 and identified all the skills, behaviours and beliefs we needed to add into the mix to achieve them.

The reminder was that to achieve an outstanding, bigger, better & greater 2012, as I wrote on the day, then we needed to remember these other skills not keep doing what we'd done in 2011.


The challenge is we find the old ways easier to do. I fell down the stairs and found it really easy to slip back into the 'misery loves company' energy. Yes I did need to take it easy but instead of wallowing I could have used the time to imagine/envision and inspire myself whilst my body healed itself.

What behaviours do you need to pull out of the toolkit and start using to ensure you achieve your goals in 2012?

Alison

Alison Smith
Helping Procurement teams break out of the old and transform
alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159

Butterfly picture from mgcpuzzles - it's a jigsaw!!

Do you want work/life balance or life balance?

Like many people I'd always used the term 'work/life balance' until I applied a tool I use in coaching to myself and realised the term I was using was half the problem, for me anyway, and that was because of the images using that term painted for me and the impact they then had on my stress levels.

At the start of the session my goal was to understand what I needed to do it ‘have work/life balance’. As I wrote at the time 'like a lot of people I never seem to have enough time and energy to do everything. I feel like I’m a hamster in its wheel. In fact I have two wheels, one wheel for work and one for the rest of my life.' Stress then came from trying to balance both wheels. When on one wheel I worried about the other and vice verse.

Just writing that down seemed to shift something. I realised, for me, balance would only be achieved when I only had one wheel to manage. Thus 'having life balance’ allowed me to, even if only metaphorically, have more control over my life and what I chose to do with it.

I'd be interested in the metaphors you have for life or work/life balance and wonder how those metaphors may help in understanding what needs to change to simply reduce the internal stress of trying to manage it all.

Alison

Alison Smith
Helping individuals and teams stay on track by finding balance
alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159

I've shared more on life balance on this blog too using Susan Jeffesr model as a base.

Nettles and Dock Leaves

One way of interpreting this combination of plants is that an opportunity to solve a problem is never that far away. To explore this more fully I thought I'd use the Frameworks for change Coaching Process to see what other insights might be available especially on this #riotcleanup day here in the UK:

Insight: You express honesty and truthfulness in each moment.
When ever I look at nature I am always reminded that each flower and plant offers it's own uniqueness and ask myself why we constantly try to be like other people rather than accept we are who we are in all our uniqueness. Of course this is also true in reverse why do we so often try to get everyone to be like us and not not accept and embrace their uniqueness?

Setback: You are setback by ARROGANCE in the present situation
I wonder whether this a continuation of the last point i.e. it's easy to believe we're a Dock Leaf providing healing balm to those stung rather than accept that we might just be the nettle. Isn't it useful to be reminded that sometimes we're the ones capable of stinging others too? We may have other virtues but we all come with beliefs, skills or behaviours some might perceive as negative and unhelpful. To move forward it's about us all releasing the setback of believing we're better than others and accepting and embracing ours and their uniqueness.

Insight: You value and express the quality of SUPPORT in the current situation
You might see that the Dock Leaf supports the Nettle and perhaps that's the point - that we each need others around us who can support us and point out our less positive traits so that we may learn and grown. This of course is infinitely more possible if we've let the arrogance go. Who are you supporting today?

Mentor: Transformation
If we took on the beliefs and behaviours of our role model for transformation what difference would that make - what would we be thinking, what would we be saying and what would we be doing differently? One question - What's stopping us?

I hope you found this helpful. If so you may find the notes from the session entitled 'Keeping on track in a downturn' helpful too. I love that the final mentor was Authenticity. It's certainly a great process for use in groups as well as in coaching sessions.

Helping, ok nudging, us all to realise our potential
Alison
alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159

The process, the insight, setback and mentor cards used here are from the
Frameworks for Change © Innerlinks - www.innerlinks.com.

I intend to be me

"I intend to be me" was the intention of a recent Transformation Game myself and 3 friends played on New Years eve. What that meant to each of us was very different and included:

* Standing in our own power and asserting our own needs when with others
* Willingly putting ourselves out there even if we're not 100% sure
* Releasing our attachment to moving on
* Remembering we have an option to do nothing
* Appreciating ourselves and others
* Releasing our fear of being wrong
* Allowing balance into our lives - physically, emotional, mentally and spiritually
* Remembering that what inspires us provides us with enthusiasm every day

We realised that "not being me" whether in personal relationships or when at work was too high a price to pay and each committed to release the fear of "being me". Instead we will stand in our power and confidently be ourselves in the world knowing that's how we can make the biggest difference.

What's stopping you from being you and what do you need to do to release it's hold?

Alison

Alison Smith
Helping Purchasing Relationships find their Authenticity
07770 538159 alison@alisonsmith.eu

Love and Acceptance

Please find below highlights and insights from a solo Transformation Game with the intention 'I intend to love and accept myself exactly as I am'. Further details of the process used can be found in the 'Transformation Game' article found on the list of articles on the RHS of this screen.

Please note the Transformation Game is used with a personal rather than business audience. Some of the language and examples used therefore are more appropriate for a personal audience - I have however chosen not to translate nor amend the notes here. Instead I invite you to simply amend any words or ignore any examples that get in the way of your learning and any insight taking place.

I have used a game played on behalf of a character from my forthcoming book and facilitated by her coach. Anne is 35 and got divorced three years ago. Whilst everyone else thinks she's doing well she's constantly tired and certainly isn't as happy as everyone expects her to be.

For Anne the challenge with loving herself exactly as she is has been the constant need for development and belief that there's a perfect state of being that she needs to attain. Which meant she realised that she would only love herself when she achieves that state of perfection and not before!

What about you? Before reading further you may wish to spend some time considering your own relationship with the intention. Do you love and accept yourself exactly as you are? If not are there certain times or certain people who help you to do this and others who hinder? How would life be different if you did? With that in mind please consider your reaction to the following cards, and where helpful Anne's interpretation (Playing a game, whether on your own, with others, facilitated or not would of course add a depth of exploration we've not been able to share here):

Angel: of Delight :-).
For Anne this was a reminder to enjoy the journey of life not make it about continual improvement. Which of recent times seems to have reinforced a belief in the lack of perfection rather than see the perfection in simply being.

Insight: You are able to point out a friends lack of awareness without appearing judgmental or making them feel inadequate or inferior.
Which prompted her coach to ask Anne if she can do this with others why not herself? A reminder that she wasn't inadequate nor inferior even if she had things she wanted to change.

Setback: You are setback by your infatuation.
The dictionary describes infatuation as 'a foolish or exaggerated passion'. They wondered in this context whether that meant that passion for perfection is foolish? Of course the key is understanding how that sets us back and for Anne it was the procrastination that comes from not doing things until she's got better or reached perfection! As Anne remembered a time when she did this then she realised it's also taking a lot to energy to hold herself back from doing all those things she wants to do in the world. No wonder she was tired!

(If you're exploring your own relationship to the cards you may want to identify and fully describe a time when you were set back infatuation too. This is the case for all setbacks as connecting with the pain involved may help release the setback.)

Angel: of Purification.
For Anne connecting to this energy felt like a release of all the beliefs that she had that had kept her infatuated with perfection. "A bit like turning off the PC and turning it on again when we've tried everything else to resolve a problem!" she said.

Insight: You meet the needs of others as though they were your own.
When Anne thought about doing this, because her focus was on being of service to the other person, she forgot about the unhelpful beliefs and just accepted that who she was enough.

Setback: You are set back by your resentment.
Yes resentment of all those people who Anne thought had achieved perfection and who she'd put up on a pedestal! The real setback was resentment took up time and energy and resulted in lack of focus on what she wanted to be doing. So a reminder to start taking the initiative and also be grateful and appreciative when she saw people clearly doing what she knew she wanted and could do.

Insight: You stepped out and crossed over the line beyond your dreams, beyond your drama and into the truth of life.
Anne loved this card. She said "It's such a great reminder to just blinking get on with it and stop faffing about!". Life could be so much more than it is and Anne realised it was only herself stopping her doing that!

Setback: "I'm not willing to put myself out there unless I'm 100% sure"
A GREAT reminder that this belief still has the capacity to stop us in our tracks! That stepping out beyond our drama means putting ourselves out there NOW.

(What about you? what could you do today to put yourself out there? Whilst reading our interpretations might be useful finding your own relationship with the cards will help you understand any actions you could be taking.)

Insight: Tough assignments are only given to the best students.
:-) - A reminder Anne could handle it.

Setback: You are set back by your defensiveness.
Anne got very defensive when discussing this card. As she connected with the feeling of defensiveness she realised she stopped listening, started defending and justifying and just dug herself into a big hole. A hole that took some time to get out of once the reason for the defences had gone. Not that helpful really she realised.

(What are you being defensive about?)

Setback: You are set back by your attachment.
Anne realised she was attached to 'developing' and that attachment was driving a lot of behaviours which were getting in the way of being in the moment and enjoying the journey. Which continued from the last setback on not listening and added: not noticing, not enjoying, not exploring, not laughing, not.. not... not... mmm which sort of defeats the object she realised!

Which Anne summarised when she said "I'm making it much too much hard work and I need to get into that energy of Delight, Transformation and Magic that I talk about often not this constant not being enough anal gazing!"

Insight: I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
They did laugh when this card emerged as it seemed to be suggesting Anne was nearly there even if she still had one more insight to go. The 5 awareness tokens (rather than 3 for most insights) that came with the card were a reminder of the benefit to be gained from truly embracing this affirmation. Anne started to understand how life would be different as a result and how happiness was in the moment not something to be found when certain criteria where achieved.

Anne's last card was
Insight: I forgive everyone, I forgive myself, I forgive all past experience. I am free!
Which seemed to be about forgiving herself for the past and fully connecting with the angel of delight!

(What about you? How do you relate differently to the affirmation ' I love and accept myself exactly as I am'? What actions have you identified as you read these notes - when will you take them? Do you need to share them with anyone to ensure they get done?)

The process, insight, setback and angel cards used here are from the Transformation Game copyright Innerlinks http://www.innerlinks.com/.

The Transformation Game can be purchased from Amazon and Findhorn. Facilitated games are available worldwide and games for 1-12 people are currently available in Scotland with the author and other UK locations and worldwide if you want me there in the future.

Time to take your foot off the pedal or push it to the floor?

For the last 6 months it's been one thing after another giving me a reason for not pushing myself aerobically during my regular personal training sessions. Knee and then a twisted ankle etc. Although we have done a lot more weights, stretching and recently more boxing :-).

This week Gavin, my personal trainer, timed me running up and down the stairs for the first time in ages. With 6 months in the abyss I thought I'd have a big job to even get to where I had been a year ago.

Surprise surprise I beat my best time!!!!!!!!!!!

I just stood there and looked at him as the realisation dawned that life is just the same. Sometimes we just need a change of pace, to take the foot off the pedal and to coast a little. When we're ready we can come back even stronger for the rest!

So don't worry if it's time to take your foot off the pedal. Know when the time is right all your current awareness, skills and uniqueness will still be there waiting for you.

Of course for some off us it's now time to rev the engine, push our foot to the floor and see where life takes us. Anyone want a lift?