and stop listening, writing and reading them too.
There are words that have a positive impact on our state of mind and support action towards our desired outcomes. Words that when we hear them continue to allow us to see the opportunities available, that keep our body relaxed and open. Words that support our continued belief in ourselves.
There are other words that negatively impact our state of mind and generate action that's counter productive to the intended outcome. Words that illicit tension in our body, negative thinking and beliefs. Words that bring up our barriers and defences.
In other words there are words that help us achieve our goals and words that stop us achieving them. Words that maintain our well being and words that send us into fight or flight. The problem with words that send us into fight or flight is that's not the best state to assess the reality of the situation, to make important decisions or even be that creative.
I've just looked at BBC news page and notice the following words that to me reinforce the negative and certainly don't help me stay positive: Clash, Terror, Flaw, Dark forces, Lose, Damaged, Disturbed, Chaos, Depression. I assume these words are used to get us to read the report because less negative ones mean we'd not be interested (and yes I'm guilty too with blog headlines to grab your attention).
Now, more than any time over recent years, is when we HAVE to be able to achieve our goals, be creative and notice the opportunities. The problem is we're using words that are prohibiting that being the likely outcome!
Alison
Helping purchasing relationships find the right words
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Showing posts with label language. Show all posts
Wednesday, 26 January 2011
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Stop the blame game - everyone is doing their best
Perhaps it's the coach in me but every time I hear someone blame the current situation on someone else I want to jump in and help them understand at least the inaccuracy of the language they're using.
"This is the 2nd time you've done this to me" in reality is "This is the 2nd time this has happened to me."
"They haven't even gritted the road" is really "The road didn't act nor look like it had been gritted recently."
"They should have been able to get the runways clear by now" would at least be "I believe they should have been able to get the runways clear by now."
Notice how the 'energy' changes in the alternative but more realistic statements. I know it's human nature to look to blame someone but that doesn't help our blood pressure, it certainly doesn't help the other person solve the problem and it certainly stops us understanding how we can help.
So next time, before you start to blame someone else for the situation, remember:
* People make the best choice they can at the time
* Every behaviour has a positive intent.
Alison
Stoping those in purchasing relationships from blaming others
"This is the 2nd time you've done this to me" in reality is "This is the 2nd time this has happened to me."
"They haven't even gritted the road" is really "The road didn't act nor look like it had been gritted recently."
"They should have been able to get the runways clear by now" would at least be "I believe they should have been able to get the runways clear by now."
Notice how the 'energy' changes in the alternative but more realistic statements. I know it's human nature to look to blame someone but that doesn't help our blood pressure, it certainly doesn't help the other person solve the problem and it certainly stops us understanding how we can help.
So next time, before you start to blame someone else for the situation, remember:
* People make the best choice they can at the time
* Every behaviour has a positive intent.
Alison
Stoping those in purchasing relationships from blaming others
Sunday, 18 July 2010
It might look, feel or sound right to you - but what about to them?
The means of the communication is the response that we get. In other words if someone doesn't understand what we're saying or even worse has got angry about it often it's not the message they're reacting to but how we're communicating it.
When we communicate with others we often do so in a way that best works for us. However the person we're wishing to communicate to may have different preferences to us. If we don't change how we're communicating to them we'll therefore often miss the opportunity for them to truly understand our message - we might as well be speaking a foreign language.
The key is understanding the different preferences that exist and adapting our communication appropriately to reflect these. Here's just a few suggestions on the different types of preferences we have.
NB Someone's language and behaviour will often give their preference away once we start paying attention to it.
Look/Feel/Sound
Are they more visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If visual we'll certainly get a better response if we provide a picture or diagram than a 10 page report. Pay attention to the words used too.
If auditory - words such as clarity, harmony, question, tell etc will resonate with the person.
If visual - words such as vision, focus, insight, perspective etc will provide more clarity.
If Kinaesthetic - words such as feel, flow, balance, hold will enable them to grasp what you're saying.
Achievement/Affiliation/Power
Which of these motivates the person the most. It's certainly worth remembering not to tell someone who's motivated by achievement that what they are doing will help them bond with the team. They want to hear words like success, results, aim, goal etc. Affiliation people want to hear words like harmony, support, share, rapport etc. Those motivated by power want to hear words like control, command, impact, influence etc. Well they do if they're motivated 'towards' these things. You'll have to use others words if they're really motivated 'away from' failure, being alone or weak!
Sameness/Difference
If someone looks for sameness then don't tell them all the ways the new system is different to the old one - tell them the similarities first. If they desire difference give it to them.
Options/Procedures
You'll certainly get resistance if you give a set of instructions to someone who has a preference for options and variety. Conversely telling someone who likes a procedure to be flexible may generate resistance instead.
Detail/Big Picture
Don't jump in with lots of details until you've determined whether they like it - many people only need to know the big picture in order to make a decision, many others want to know the big picture to get an idea of whether they want to hear the detail. Someone who likes details loves it and the more the better.
As our preferences come over in all our communications I wonder what preferences you think I may have? and how could I have changed what I said to make more sense for you?
When we communicate with others we often do so in a way that best works for us. However the person we're wishing to communicate to may have different preferences to us. If we don't change how we're communicating to them we'll therefore often miss the opportunity for them to truly understand our message - we might as well be speaking a foreign language.
The key is understanding the different preferences that exist and adapting our communication appropriately to reflect these. Here's just a few suggestions on the different types of preferences we have.
NB Someone's language and behaviour will often give their preference away once we start paying attention to it.
Look/Feel/Sound
Are they more visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If visual we'll certainly get a better response if we provide a picture or diagram than a 10 page report. Pay attention to the words used too.
If auditory - words such as clarity, harmony, question, tell etc will resonate with the person.
If visual - words such as vision, focus, insight, perspective etc will provide more clarity.
If Kinaesthetic - words such as feel, flow, balance, hold will enable them to grasp what you're saying.
Achievement/Affiliation/Power
Which of these motivates the person the most. It's certainly worth remembering not to tell someone who's motivated by achievement that what they are doing will help them bond with the team. They want to hear words like success, results, aim, goal etc. Affiliation people want to hear words like harmony, support, share, rapport etc. Those motivated by power want to hear words like control, command, impact, influence etc. Well they do if they're motivated 'towards' these things. You'll have to use others words if they're really motivated 'away from' failure, being alone or weak!
Sameness/Difference
If someone looks for sameness then don't tell them all the ways the new system is different to the old one - tell them the similarities first. If they desire difference give it to them.
Options/Procedures
You'll certainly get resistance if you give a set of instructions to someone who has a preference for options and variety. Conversely telling someone who likes a procedure to be flexible may generate resistance instead.
Detail/Big Picture
Don't jump in with lots of details until you've determined whether they like it - many people only need to know the big picture in order to make a decision, many others want to know the big picture to get an idea of whether they want to hear the detail. Someone who likes details loves it and the more the better.
As our preferences come over in all our communications I wonder what preferences you think I may have? and how could I have changed what I said to make more sense for you?
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