The means of the communication is the response that we get. In other words if someone doesn't understand what we're saying or even worse has got angry about it often it's not the message they're reacting to but how we're communicating it.
When we communicate with others we often do so in a way that best works for us. However the person we're wishing to communicate to may have different preferences to us. If we don't change how we're communicating to them we'll therefore often miss the opportunity for them to truly understand our message - we might as well be speaking a foreign language.
The key is understanding the different preferences that exist and adapting our communication appropriately to reflect these. Here's just a few suggestions on the different types of preferences we have.
NB Someone's language and behaviour will often give their preference away once we start paying attention to it.
Look/Feel/Sound
Are they more visual, auditory or kinaesthetic. If visual we'll certainly get a better response if we provide a picture or diagram than a 10 page report. Pay attention to the words used too.
If auditory - words such as clarity, harmony, question, tell etc will resonate with the person.
If visual - words such as vision, focus, insight, perspective etc will provide more clarity.
If Kinaesthetic - words such as feel, flow, balance, hold will enable them to grasp what you're saying.
Achievement/Affiliation/Power
Which of these motivates the person the most. It's certainly worth remembering not to tell someone who's motivated by achievement that what they are doing will help them bond with the team. They want to hear words like success, results, aim, goal etc. Affiliation people want to hear words like harmony, support, share, rapport etc. Those motivated by power want to hear words like control, command, impact, influence etc. Well they do if they're motivated 'towards' these things. You'll have to use others words if they're really motivated 'away from' failure, being alone or weak!
Sameness/Difference
If someone looks for sameness then don't tell them all the ways the new system is different to the old one - tell them the similarities first. If they desire difference give it to them.
Options/Procedures
You'll certainly get resistance if you give a set of instructions to someone who has a preference for options and variety. Conversely telling someone who likes a procedure to be flexible may generate resistance instead.
Detail/Big Picture
Don't jump in with lots of details until you've determined whether they like it - many people only need to know the big picture in order to make a decision, many others want to know the big picture to get an idea of whether they want to hear the detail. Someone who likes details loves it and the more the better.
As our preferences come over in all our communications I wonder what preferences you think I may have? and how could I have changed what I said to make more sense for you?
Sunday, 18 July 2010
Monday, 12 July 2010
I thought you knew?
Much is said about how recognition helps with retention of staff and it comes in many forms. For today I'd like to concentrate on the appreciation from a manager of a job well done and how that appreciation is communicated?
Since we often show appreciation as we ourselves would like to be appreciated I'd like to flag to the 40% who know you've done a good job, and don't need to be told, that there's another 40% who need to be told (apparently the remaining 20% do a bit of both). I can assure you that just because you keep giving them the best projects, keep giving them raises and never shout at them doesn't mean they know they've done a good job. I'd even go so far as to suggest that many will continue to doubt they do a good job until they hear otherwise. Just think what that doubt is doing to their performance.
The form and timing of that communication is also important. That is will the individual get more from a public or a private thank you, is it enough to say it or does it mean more in writing? For me I realised that the more the person had gone out of their way to show appreciation the more it meant. So just telling me at the end of a conversation about something else didn't have the same impact as, for example, someone I've never met ringing me within hours of reading my newsletter to say it had had a profound impact on their day.
So please for the 40% who need to know don't just assume they know they've done a good job - tell them.
Since we often show appreciation as we ourselves would like to be appreciated I'd like to flag to the 40% who know you've done a good job, and don't need to be told, that there's another 40% who need to be told (apparently the remaining 20% do a bit of both). I can assure you that just because you keep giving them the best projects, keep giving them raises and never shout at them doesn't mean they know they've done a good job. I'd even go so far as to suggest that many will continue to doubt they do a good job until they hear otherwise. Just think what that doubt is doing to their performance.
The form and timing of that communication is also important. That is will the individual get more from a public or a private thank you, is it enough to say it or does it mean more in writing? For me I realised that the more the person had gone out of their way to show appreciation the more it meant. So just telling me at the end of a conversation about something else didn't have the same impact as, for example, someone I've never met ringing me within hours of reading my newsletter to say it had had a profound impact on their day.
So please for the 40% who need to know don't just assume they know they've done a good job - tell them.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
What's on your To Be list?
I'm preparing for my 'Pots of Confidence' workshop tonight. Most of the evening will be taken up decorating a mug or plate with words, pictures or designs to inspire - such as the one shown here.
My house is full of such inspiration - postcards, pictures, quotes on every surface. Someone visited last week and couldn't believe I had my mission and values pinned up in my bathroom :-).
I was wondering why doing this was important and why it worked. Then I realised we do it every day for our To Do lists. That is we write a list and check it regularly. We even write reminders for ourselves on post its. So why not do it for our To Be lists?
If I look around my office at my To Be lists then I am reminded to: Love, have Patience, Be the change I wish to see in the world, Joy, Awaken, Boldly reclaim my power and even to Grow wings and fly. They're accompanied by many of my brother's beautiful landscape photographs.
What's on your To Be list and where will you put the reminder?
Friday, 18 June 2010
It came into my heart to do it
On the way home from a meeting last night I was listening to the Archers on the radio and Eddie Grundy said "It just came into my heart to do it". I just think that's such a wonderful saying. I often use 'it came to mind' and wonder what I'd do differently if I did listen to my heart a little more often? What about you?
Thursday, 17 June 2010
How does your garden grow?
A recent conversation with my neighbour with whom I have an adjoining garden made me realise we have very different views on what efficiency in the garden means. I'd suggest we're at different parts of the spectrum.
To me efficiency in the garden is ensuring I give the flowers optimum and natural conditions for flowering - sun, water, space etc. I'd also suggest it's about me also being able to use the space for relaxation etc. So I place my attention on activities that support this happening. Therefore you may well find weeds in my garden and moss in my lawn but unless I have the time, and unless they're getting in the way of me achieving my desired outcome, I wont do anything more about them.
My downstairs neighbour has a different strategy. It feels to me like their attention is not on the desired outcome but instead they're concentrating more on a to do list e.g "Can we cut back this paeony because it's stopping me cutting the grass" - when it's just about to flower. My outcome of beautiful flowers in the garden is greater than my desire to have the grass a few inches shorter for the next couple of weeks. My neighbour would disagree.
It did get me thinking though about efficiency at work. I like many people have a to do list. Yet how many of those things would be on that to do list if I applied the same logic to my work as I do my garden? and in the past how much stress have I given myself by rigidly keeping to my to do list when it no longer serves the outcome I want?
Which all reminds me about a card I have which says "The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgement" - isn't efficiency about determining just what and how many of those weeds need taking out rather than removing every last one?
To me efficiency in the garden is ensuring I give the flowers optimum and natural conditions for flowering - sun, water, space etc. I'd also suggest it's about me also being able to use the space for relaxation etc. So I place my attention on activities that support this happening. Therefore you may well find weeds in my garden and moss in my lawn but unless I have the time, and unless they're getting in the way of me achieving my desired outcome, I wont do anything more about them.
My downstairs neighbour has a different strategy. It feels to me like their attention is not on the desired outcome but instead they're concentrating more on a to do list e.g "Can we cut back this paeony because it's stopping me cutting the grass" - when it's just about to flower. My outcome of beautiful flowers in the garden is greater than my desire to have the grass a few inches shorter for the next couple of weeks. My neighbour would disagree.
It did get me thinking though about efficiency at work. I like many people have a to do list. Yet how many of those things would be on that to do list if I applied the same logic to my work as I do my garden? and in the past how much stress have I given myself by rigidly keeping to my to do list when it no longer serves the outcome I want?
Which all reminds me about a card I have which says "The difference between a flower and a weed is a judgement" - isn't efficiency about determining just what and how many of those weeds need taking out rather than removing every last one?
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