What level of perfection are you aiming at?

Last night someone on the TV said we must aim for perfection ie 100% because then we might achieve 95%. He suggested if we didn’t aim that high we would end up settling for 75%.

I understand the sentiment but surely it can’t be that simple. After all much of my coaching and facilitation is aimed at helping those who are seriously and negatively impacted by their drive for 100%.

I’ve been thinking about perfection since I watched the Red Arrows in an aerial display over Edinburgh a week ago soaring over us with such precision and yes perfection. Here’s where I’ve got to and would love your comments to help refine and expand my thinking.

Whilst I don’t know what level of perfection the Red Arrows need to be at for a display I’d suggest it’s nearing 100%. It needs to be and perhaps that’s the key – if the risk is high enough the price paid (in any resources e.g. time, effort, £ etc ) in achieving perfection is necessary. However for those flying with the Red Arrows I’m sure the activities they need to perfect are very specific. They’re not asked to be in armed combat or carry out other duties. They’re allowed to concentrate all their attention on perfecting a specific number of skills over a very specific period of time. I’m sure that must be the same for any other risky and perfection needing professions such as surgeons, emergency services etc.

So what do I think we can learn from this?

* Accept that perfection isn’t possible for everything we do
* Allow the risk to assess the activities we wish to apply perfection to
* And if we’re going to aim for perfection limit the skills we’re aiming for perfection in

Love and Acceptance

Please find below highlights and insights from a solo Transformation Game with the intention 'I intend to love and accept myself exactly as I am'. Further details of the process used can be found in the 'Transformation Game' article found on the list of articles on the RHS of this screen.

Please note the Transformation Game is used with a personal rather than business audience. Some of the language and examples used therefore are more appropriate for a personal audience - I have however chosen not to translate nor amend the notes here. Instead I invite you to simply amend any words or ignore any examples that get in the way of your learning and any insight taking place.

I have used a game played on behalf of a character from my forthcoming book and facilitated by her coach. Anne is 35 and got divorced three years ago. Whilst everyone else thinks she's doing well she's constantly tired and certainly isn't as happy as everyone expects her to be.

For Anne the challenge with loving herself exactly as she is has been the constant need for development and belief that there's a perfect state of being that she needs to attain. Which meant she realised that she would only love herself when she achieves that state of perfection and not before!

What about you? Before reading further you may wish to spend some time considering your own relationship with the intention. Do you love and accept yourself exactly as you are? If not are there certain times or certain people who help you to do this and others who hinder? How would life be different if you did? With that in mind please consider your reaction to the following cards, and where helpful Anne's interpretation (Playing a game, whether on your own, with others, facilitated or not would of course add a depth of exploration we've not been able to share here):

Angel: of Delight :-).
For Anne this was a reminder to enjoy the journey of life not make it about continual improvement. Which of recent times seems to have reinforced a belief in the lack of perfection rather than see the perfection in simply being.

Insight: You are able to point out a friends lack of awareness without appearing judgmental or making them feel inadequate or inferior.
Which prompted her coach to ask Anne if she can do this with others why not herself? A reminder that she wasn't inadequate nor inferior even if she had things she wanted to change.

Setback: You are setback by your infatuation.
The dictionary describes infatuation as 'a foolish or exaggerated passion'. They wondered in this context whether that meant that passion for perfection is foolish? Of course the key is understanding how that sets us back and for Anne it was the procrastination that comes from not doing things until she's got better or reached perfection! As Anne remembered a time when she did this then she realised it's also taking a lot to energy to hold herself back from doing all those things she wants to do in the world. No wonder she was tired!

(If you're exploring your own relationship to the cards you may want to identify and fully describe a time when you were set back infatuation too. This is the case for all setbacks as connecting with the pain involved may help release the setback.)

Angel: of Purification.
For Anne connecting to this energy felt like a release of all the beliefs that she had that had kept her infatuated with perfection. "A bit like turning off the PC and turning it on again when we've tried everything else to resolve a problem!" she said.

Insight: You meet the needs of others as though they were your own.
When Anne thought about doing this, because her focus was on being of service to the other person, she forgot about the unhelpful beliefs and just accepted that who she was enough.

Setback: You are set back by your resentment.
Yes resentment of all those people who Anne thought had achieved perfection and who she'd put up on a pedestal! The real setback was resentment took up time and energy and resulted in lack of focus on what she wanted to be doing. So a reminder to start taking the initiative and also be grateful and appreciative when she saw people clearly doing what she knew she wanted and could do.

Insight: You stepped out and crossed over the line beyond your dreams, beyond your drama and into the truth of life.
Anne loved this card. She said "It's such a great reminder to just blinking get on with it and stop faffing about!". Life could be so much more than it is and Anne realised it was only herself stopping her doing that!

Setback: "I'm not willing to put myself out there unless I'm 100% sure"
A GREAT reminder that this belief still has the capacity to stop us in our tracks! That stepping out beyond our drama means putting ourselves out there NOW.

(What about you? what could you do today to put yourself out there? Whilst reading our interpretations might be useful finding your own relationship with the cards will help you understand any actions you could be taking.)

Insight: Tough assignments are only given to the best students.
:-) - A reminder Anne could handle it.

Setback: You are set back by your defensiveness.
Anne got very defensive when discussing this card. As she connected with the feeling of defensiveness she realised she stopped listening, started defending and justifying and just dug herself into a big hole. A hole that took some time to get out of once the reason for the defences had gone. Not that helpful really she realised.

(What are you being defensive about?)

Setback: You are set back by your attachment.
Anne realised she was attached to 'developing' and that attachment was driving a lot of behaviours which were getting in the way of being in the moment and enjoying the journey. Which continued from the last setback on not listening and added: not noticing, not enjoying, not exploring, not laughing, not.. not... not... mmm which sort of defeats the object she realised!

Which Anne summarised when she said "I'm making it much too much hard work and I need to get into that energy of Delight, Transformation and Magic that I talk about often not this constant not being enough anal gazing!"

Insight: I love and accept myself exactly as I am.
They did laugh when this card emerged as it seemed to be suggesting Anne was nearly there even if she still had one more insight to go. The 5 awareness tokens (rather than 3 for most insights) that came with the card were a reminder of the benefit to be gained from truly embracing this affirmation. Anne started to understand how life would be different as a result and how happiness was in the moment not something to be found when certain criteria where achieved.

Anne's last card was
Insight: I forgive everyone, I forgive myself, I forgive all past experience. I am free!
Which seemed to be about forgiving herself for the past and fully connecting with the angel of delight!

(What about you? How do you relate differently to the affirmation ' I love and accept myself exactly as I am'? What actions have you identified as you read these notes - when will you take them? Do you need to share them with anyone to ensure they get done?)

The process, insight, setback and angel cards used here are from the Transformation Game copyright Innerlinks http://www.innerlinks.com/.

The Transformation Game can be purchased from Amazon and Findhorn. Facilitated games are available worldwide and games for 1-12 people are currently available in Scotland with the author and other UK locations and worldwide if you want me there in the future.

Sometimes you have all you need

Over the weekend I was having visitors. We'd agreed in advance who was bringing what for lunch and refreshments etc. One item on my list was juice. On Friday night I looked in the fridge and realised I only had grapefruit juice and didn't think that offered enough choice. I believed I'd have to go out and buy some more juice early the next morning.

However the next morning my eye caught sight of some apples. It's only then I realised I certainly had all the ingredients for my speciality home made juice: apple, carrot, lime and ginger - mmmmm.

I then wondered how often in life we think we need to look outside ourselves for something when what we have inside is infinitely better.