What's your addiction?

and I'm not talking about the obvious. I'm talking about the things you find yourself compelled to do and not stop even if they impact your health, relationships, work and/or other aspects of your life negatively (in the opinion of others anyway)?

Perhaps it's time to face my own addictions I don't know but the last week has been full of people who seem to be addicted to something that is impacting their ability to have the life they want. Here's a sample:

• I exchanged emails with an ex colleague yesterday who had been so addicted, my words not his, to driving fast that he'd been banned twice and was in danger of killing himself if he continued.
• A friend can't leave the house without a coffee and has used words such as "it helps me cope with the day" even though she knows that it impacts her health in other less positive ways.
• Someone tweeted from their bed last night before they went to sleep and then again as they woke this morning.
• I'm seriously thinking of deleting solitaire off my iPhone because once I start I can't stop "just one more".

and more generally what about:

• The frequency we check our emails, twitter, blog etc
• The burning desire to hoover the house or clean the car :-)
• The many hours we watch TV
• etc etc

These behaviours provide us with something that we want - pleasure. Which in it self isn't a bad thing until we realise:

• that over time what provides us with that pleasure has diminished and therefore we need to do more in order to get the same level of pleasure, or
• it's become such a habit that it no longer provides us with pleasure but we still keep doing it, or
• we've started to believe we can't survive without it.

What prompted this blog was the fast driving ex colleague who had found a way around his addiction by buying a vintage car that keeps his speed well below the limits.

Which had me thinking about my 'addictions' and what I believe they give me and how I may get that in more positive ways. I'll let you know how I get on.

But then I'm addicted to constantly finding things to resolve! and sharing them in the blog too :-)

What unhelpful behaviours do your objectives bring forth?

Last year I had a call from a market research company checking up on a visit from one of their representatives. Basically to check whether the person had done what they said or had just made me up! The tone of questioning made me feel as if I was on trial. A few weeks ago someone tweeted about an over zealous train conductor who seemed to start with a belief that no was to be trusted. These examples had me thinking about the sorts of values, beliefs and behaviours that are unconsciously built into certain jobs as a result of the objectives set. They may help do the job effectively but they can also have interesting repercussions too.

What about the following (and yes they're very stereotypical and simply to illustrate the point):

Politicians: Common sense being ignored in order to disagree with the opposition.
Dr/Pharmaceuticals: Emphasis is on illness rather well being.
Advertising: Words that influence are used even if misleading e.g. recent case involving use of 'nutritious'.
Media: Again words to attract attention are used even if inaccurate
Police/Traffic wardens: Lack of trust must be inherent
and from my own experience
Buyers: Bulldozing of suppliers or internal stakeholders
Coaches: Finding challenges/issues to resolve

I just wonder what KPI's could, or already are, put in place to ensure we avoid these types of repercussions?

Please stop saying the wrong things

and stop listening, writing and reading them too.

There are words that have a positive impact on our state of mind and support action towards our desired outcomes. Words that when we hear them continue to allow us to see the opportunities available, that keep our body relaxed and open. Words that support our continued belief in ourselves.

There are other words that negatively impact our state of mind and generate action that's counter productive to the intended outcome. Words that illicit tension in our body, negative thinking and beliefs. Words that bring up our barriers and defences.

In other words there are words that help us achieve our goals and words that stop us achieving them. Words that maintain our well being and words that send us into fight or flight. The problem with words that send us into fight or flight is that's not the best state to assess the reality of the situation, to make important decisions or even be that creative.

I've just looked at BBC news page and notice the following words that to me reinforce the negative and certainly don't help me stay positive: Clash, Terror, Flaw, Dark forces, Lose, Damaged, Disturbed, Chaos, Depression. I assume these words are used to get us to read the report because less negative ones mean we'd not be interested (and yes I'm guilty too with blog headlines to grab your attention).

Now, more than any time over recent years, is when we HAVE to be able to achieve our goals, be creative and notice the opportunities. The problem is we're using words that are prohibiting that being the likely outcome!

Alison
Helping purchasing relationships find the right words

Help me find that logic

"I know you are right - because I can feel the strength of your conviction - but currently I don't have all the logic in my head that enables me to agree with you. Please help me find that logic."

This was said to a colleague as we disagreed about something. We'd been speaking for some time and she was getting more and more frustrated that I wasn't agreeing with her.

I have to say I really did believe she was right because she wasn't someone known to get so vocal unless she was sure about something. However saying these words certainly changed the tone of conversation and enabled us both to find different ways of explaining our positions. It wasn't long before we understood each other.

Next time you're in disagreement remember change what you're doing to ensure all parties understand the logic in the situation.

Alison

Alison Smith
Helping purchasing relationships find the logic
07770 538159 alison@alisonsmith.eu

I intend to be me

"I intend to be me" was the intention of a recent Transformation Game myself and 3 friends played on New Years eve. What that meant to each of us was very different and included:

* Standing in our own power and asserting our own needs when with others
* Willingly putting ourselves out there even if we're not 100% sure
* Releasing our attachment to moving on
* Remembering we have an option to do nothing
* Appreciating ourselves and others
* Releasing our fear of being wrong
* Allowing balance into our lives - physically, emotional, mentally and spiritually
* Remembering that what inspires us provides us with enthusiasm every day

We realised that "not being me" whether in personal relationships or when at work was too high a price to pay and each committed to release the fear of "being me". Instead we will stand in our power and confidently be ourselves in the world knowing that's how we can make the biggest difference.

What's stopping you from being you and what do you need to do to release it's hold?

Alison

Alison Smith
Helping Purchasing Relationships find their Authenticity
07770 538159 alison@alisonsmith.eu