One of the hardest personal development lessons I've found has been taking ownership of how I'm feeling rather than blaming other people e.g
"You made me angry" becomes "I got angry because you did X" or even better "I allowed myself to get angry when you did X."
A book* I was reading recently took it a stage further and suggested that anything we get angry at other people about is an aspect of ourselves that we don't accept. After all we can all be late, less than perfect, selfish, arrogant, lazy, mad, childish, etc etc**. So why is it that sometimes someones lateness, selfishness, laziness makes us angry? The book would suggest it's because we don't accept that quality in ourselves. That is if we don't accept it in ourselves of course we won't accept it in others either.
The trick to releasing the anger is in being able to accept that we have , do or could in the future demonstrate this trait and then seeing the positive this trait provides us. If we do this others demonstrating the trait will then no longer trigger the same response.
Do let me know how you get on - I'm doing it with imperfection!
Festive Greetings and wishing you a wonderful, abundant and laughter filled 2011.
Alison
Alison Smith
Helping Purchasing Relationships take personal responsibility
alison@alisonsmith.eu 07770 538159
* The dark side of the light chasers by Debbie Ford
** Of course even this list simply sheds more light on aspects of myself I don't accept. If you nodded your head and accepted these traits in yourself that's a sure sign that you need another list. You may find you need to write another list to get the emotional trigger to at least initially denying the accuracy of this blog. A sure sign you've got a trait to work on is an emotionally charged response of "I'm never that." Do keep going till you get one of those and then try accepting it!
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Stop the blame game - everyone is doing their best
Perhaps it's the coach in me but every time I hear someone blame the current situation on someone else I want to jump in and help them understand at least the inaccuracy of the language they're using.
"This is the 2nd time you've done this to me" in reality is "This is the 2nd time this has happened to me."
"They haven't even gritted the road" is really "The road didn't act nor look like it had been gritted recently."
"They should have been able to get the runways clear by now" would at least be "I believe they should have been able to get the runways clear by now."
Notice how the 'energy' changes in the alternative but more realistic statements. I know it's human nature to look to blame someone but that doesn't help our blood pressure, it certainly doesn't help the other person solve the problem and it certainly stops us understanding how we can help.
So next time, before you start to blame someone else for the situation, remember:
* People make the best choice they can at the time
* Every behaviour has a positive intent.
Alison
Stoping those in purchasing relationships from blaming others
"This is the 2nd time you've done this to me" in reality is "This is the 2nd time this has happened to me."
"They haven't even gritted the road" is really "The road didn't act nor look like it had been gritted recently."
"They should have been able to get the runways clear by now" would at least be "I believe they should have been able to get the runways clear by now."
Notice how the 'energy' changes in the alternative but more realistic statements. I know it's human nature to look to blame someone but that doesn't help our blood pressure, it certainly doesn't help the other person solve the problem and it certainly stops us understanding how we can help.
So next time, before you start to blame someone else for the situation, remember:
* People make the best choice they can at the time
* Every behaviour has a positive intent.
Alison
Stoping those in purchasing relationships from blaming others
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Do we thank people so little?
Within the last 24 hours a simple thank you has been taken to be a complaint. This makes me very sad - do we receive thanks so little that we automatically assume someone is complaining?
Whilst in the supermarket yesterday I thanked one of the ladies stocking the shelves. It was a thankless task as the produce disappeared as soon as they'd put it out. It was very busy as for many of us it was the first day out for over 2 weeks due to snow and ice. I made a point of thanking one of them saying we appreciated their efforts on keeping the shelves stocked. The lady automatically replied "we're trying our best" in a tone that best suited perhaps earlier complaints about empty shelves.
Unfortunately I had to call the house insurance company this morning and they said someone might not be able to call me until Monday to sort it out. When I received a call 30 minutes later I again thanked them for the hard work in keeping up to date with what must be a huge increase in calls. Again the answer was "we're trying our best" in a similar tone.
It has to be said that thanks made to refuse collectors when collecting the bins, in a local park and at the side of road earlier in the year all received a shocked responses as they finally registered that a member of the public was thanking them for the work they do.
Who have you thanked today?
Alison
Enabling purchasing relationship to show appreciation
Whilst in the supermarket yesterday I thanked one of the ladies stocking the shelves. It was a thankless task as the produce disappeared as soon as they'd put it out. It was very busy as for many of us it was the first day out for over 2 weeks due to snow and ice. I made a point of thanking one of them saying we appreciated their efforts on keeping the shelves stocked. The lady automatically replied "we're trying our best" in a tone that best suited perhaps earlier complaints about empty shelves.
Unfortunately I had to call the house insurance company this morning and they said someone might not be able to call me until Monday to sort it out. When I received a call 30 minutes later I again thanked them for the hard work in keeping up to date with what must be a huge increase in calls. Again the answer was "we're trying our best" in a similar tone.
It has to be said that thanks made to refuse collectors when collecting the bins, in a local park and at the side of road earlier in the year all received a shocked responses as they finally registered that a member of the public was thanking them for the work they do.
Who have you thanked today?
Alison
Enabling purchasing relationship to show appreciation
Thursday, 9 December 2010
It's just all those (other) nutters on the road!
I landed at Edinburgh airport 12 days ago hours before the snow hit the area. Having got home safely the car hasn't moved since! I'm very excited to share that tomorrow I hope to be taking to the road again. However from other people's conversations apparently I still need to be wary of the nutters on the road! You know the ones......
Going too fast in their 4x4
Going to fast in any car really
Using their brakes when it's icy
Going out at all when it's a blizzard out there
etc etc
The difficulty I have is who are all these nutters because everyone I speak to believes themselves to be a great example of good, careful and courteous driving and it's all the others that are the nutters.
I wonder what would happen if we accepted that we too can be that nutter on the road?
On a similar vein I hear friends discuss their anger at the application of holiday due to missed days at work due to the snow. Yet I'm not sure many of those people have offered to pay the garage mechanic, milk man, newspaper man, hair dresser, cleaner, window cleaner etc for their cancelled/unavailable services.
So over this festive season before you start having a go at someone for a wrong you perceive them to have done please remember you're just as likely to have done that wrong in the past too. It might just reduce the blood pressure and provide a little more good will to all men at this time of year.
Alison
Helping purchasing relationships to take responsbility
Going too fast in their 4x4
Going to fast in any car really
Using their brakes when it's icy
Going out at all when it's a blizzard out there
etc etc
The difficulty I have is who are all these nutters because everyone I speak to believes themselves to be a great example of good, careful and courteous driving and it's all the others that are the nutters.
I wonder what would happen if we accepted that we too can be that nutter on the road?
On a similar vein I hear friends discuss their anger at the application of holiday due to missed days at work due to the snow. Yet I'm not sure many of those people have offered to pay the garage mechanic, milk man, newspaper man, hair dresser, cleaner, window cleaner etc for their cancelled/unavailable services.
So over this festive season before you start having a go at someone for a wrong you perceive them to have done please remember you're just as likely to have done that wrong in the past too. It might just reduce the blood pressure and provide a little more good will to all men at this time of year.
Alison
Helping purchasing relationships to take responsbility
Tuesday, 23 November 2010
Simples - not really - lowest cost comes at a price!
The lack of blogs and tweets from me this month has been due to the time spent travelling back and forth and up and down the country. The content for such blogs hasn't stopped appearing though and the main theme for today's blog 'the price to be paid for low cost' is as a result of all this travelling.
Price one: Unacceptable behaviour
Have you noticed what sort of people we turn into in order to get a seat when using low cost airlines? The tannoy announcement squeaks into life and we're all on our feet and pushing forward. No one listens or cares about the priority boarders and young children who have to fight to come forward. We seem to only care about ourselves - eyes are kept firmly looking at our feet as we push forward to ensure we get choice over where we sit! Not a great advertisement for humanity - and I won't even start on the behaviour once on board trying to put bags into overhead lockers.
Price two: Suppliers start to charge for all those extras
It's a wonder anyone can determine who offers the lowest cost when we get charged for all those extras. Which of course will differ between airlines and on recently trips have included:
A seat - with one airline I have yet to find out how to say I don't want to pay to choose my seat
Airport check-in - when the email doesn't provide any links to do it online
Airport bag-drop - when the internet wouldn't let me change my details when plans changed
I appreciate these charges should enable me to choose whether to receive the service or not. However being charged for 'must haves' (a seat, payment) and increasing the likelihood of us having to pay the additional admin fees for airport handling are simply ways of increasing revenue for the airlines.
Price three: Specification drift
Is lowest cost what we really want then the lowest car hire price means ringing them up when we arrive at the terminal for them to send a minibus to come to pick us up to take us to the hire car!
Price four: Poor Service
A great example was when we were asked to put our coats and bags on our knees because the overhead lockers were full and people still had bags to put in them!
You might think I'm just having a bad day and enjoying the rant - and yes that's true - but all of these 'Prices' are also evident where we work too. In my own discipline of purchasing it's all too easy to see unhappy suppliers doing the same as the airlines and making us pay for forcing the price down. As a local MD of a SME said to me the other week "that last 10% cost reduction has just cost them all the good will. They will pay for everything extra and I can assure you that will cost them more than 10%".
What price is your company paying in it's search for lowest cost?
Alison
Ensuring purchasing relationships deliver value
Price one: Unacceptable behaviour
Have you noticed what sort of people we turn into in order to get a seat when using low cost airlines? The tannoy announcement squeaks into life and we're all on our feet and pushing forward. No one listens or cares about the priority boarders and young children who have to fight to come forward. We seem to only care about ourselves - eyes are kept firmly looking at our feet as we push forward to ensure we get choice over where we sit! Not a great advertisement for humanity - and I won't even start on the behaviour once on board trying to put bags into overhead lockers.
Price two: Suppliers start to charge for all those extras
It's a wonder anyone can determine who offers the lowest cost when we get charged for all those extras. Which of course will differ between airlines and on recently trips have included:
A seat - with one airline I have yet to find out how to say I don't want to pay to choose my seat
Airport check-in - when the email doesn't provide any links to do it online
Airport bag-drop - when the internet wouldn't let me change my details when plans changed
Payment - ranging from £4.95 (go on why not just say £5) to £9.95 (£10)
I appreciate these charges should enable me to choose whether to receive the service or not. However being charged for 'must haves' (a seat, payment) and increasing the likelihood of us having to pay the additional admin fees for airport handling are simply ways of increasing revenue for the airlines.
Price three: Specification drift
Is lowest cost what we really want then the lowest car hire price means ringing them up when we arrive at the terminal for them to send a minibus to come to pick us up to take us to the hire car!
Price four: Poor Service
A great example was when we were asked to put our coats and bags on our knees because the overhead lockers were full and people still had bags to put in them!
You might think I'm just having a bad day and enjoying the rant - and yes that's true - but all of these 'Prices' are also evident where we work too. In my own discipline of purchasing it's all too easy to see unhappy suppliers doing the same as the airlines and making us pay for forcing the price down. As a local MD of a SME said to me the other week "that last 10% cost reduction has just cost them all the good will. They will pay for everything extra and I can assure you that will cost them more than 10%".
What price is your company paying in it's search for lowest cost?
Alison
Ensuring purchasing relationships deliver value
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